Barnabus Cuffe has a rippling mustache

Warded to the Daily Prophet staff

I realise that we have many important stories going on right now. However, I would very much appreciate it if we could keep the noise and the light to a minimum today. I'm afraid I might be coming down with something. Please do not disturb me unless it is absolutely necessary. I'm sure I'll be fine come tomorrow.

Warded private

Why does it always have come to once a year? And on the worst possible fucking day. People should stop aging once they've turned forty.

I would just like to remind people that if you have an opinion on something you've seen in the Prophet, we do encourage our readers to write to us. Your opinions will reach a much wider audience in the paper than on these journals. I do understand there is a certain amount of convenience these journals afford, however. I have considered allowing readers to submit their letters this way. Perhaps something can be arranged.

I would also like to remind our readers that we take our jobs very seriously. We do make sure that we report the news to the public with utmost accuracy and integrity. I assure you that I demand the highest standards from all of our reporters.

Warded to Daily Prophet Staff.

I'm sure I hardly need to remind you all to mind what you write here. Now that we seem to be under extra scrutiny, that goes double for everyone.

Warded to Daily Prophet Employees

This is just a reminder of our Christmas party tonight. You should have received an invitation two weeks ago, but I do realise that not everyone can be expected to remember things so far in advance. It starts at 5:30 and lasts until 8. There will be hors d'oeuvres and drinks provided. Please do be on your best behaviour. Remember we report the news, not appear in it. I hope to see you all there.

The problem with Sunday evenings is that I usually finally have just enough time to be able to think about all the things I need to do for the upcoming week. I've realised I've yet to buy Christmas gifts for my son. What does one buy a fifteen year old boy, anyway? Perhaps I'll just owl him a few galleons. It's not too impersonal, I hope. I trust my ex-wife is intelligent enough to know I won't be getting her anything seeing as how I haven't in the past few years. I'll be glad when the holidays are over. They're such an unnecessary distraction. I do hope everyone enjoys theirs, however. I believe I'll be working, as per usual. The news doesn't stop just because it's a holiday.

So, this is how everyone wastes their time.

Warded to Hooper and Podmore

That was mostly directed at the pair of you.

Warded to Rita

What's the appeal? I'm underwhelmed. Who cares what most of these people think, anyway?

( Application )